Over the last year, I have, for some reason, ended up teaching people online Danish swear words. On several separate occasions. Not sure how it keeps happening, but now I’m leaning into it.
Time for ‘Michelle’s Guide to Swearing Like a Dane!’
First of, I got to admit that even though Danish has a lot of unique curse words, we have been ruined by American culture, just like just about everyone else. ‘Shit’ and ‘Fuck’ is an integrated part of the vocabulary of anyone above the age of 5 and below the age of 60 (but we’re a lot less sensitive about it. You won’t see our movies get higher ratings just because of cursing, and the dialogue in our reality shows isn’t just a series of beeps).
So a lot of the following words and phrases might not be as commonly used as their English counterparts, especially by the younger generation.
It also means that if you go to Denmark as a British or American person, you’re going to be horrified at how casually we use your dreaded F-word. No matter when I finish and publish this post, I can promise you that my mother will have told me to fuck off within the last month.
(Last time it was because I caught a shiny Pokemon that she didn’t have in Pokemon GO.)
The Basics
For fanden
Literally: For the Devil
This is a nice versatile one. It’s used in the same way as ‘for fuck’s sake’, but isn’t considered as crass. The milder version is ‘For Søren’, which, considering my uncle’s name is Søren, you would think would be used like ‘For Pete’s sake’, but mostly it’s used in place of ‘Oops’…
‘For fanden’ can be freely substituted with ‘For satan’, but it needs to be said with Danish inflection. Otherwise, it sounds like you’re actually worshipping Satan.
(You can also use ‘For helvede’, meaning ‘For hell’. We’re not picky with the term, as long as it’s clear that your allegiance lies with the guy down-under.)
Fandens også
Literally: The Devil’s also
Variation of ‘For fanden’. Used in the same way as ‘Shit’ or ‘Fuck’.
Fanden tage dig
Literally: The Devil take you
This one is not as commonly used as the two variations above these days, but I just wanted to show how much shit we give the Devil, considering nearly none of us are religious.
It’s probably obvious, but this is used like ‘To hell with you’.
Lort
Literally: Crap
Used like ‘Crap’.
Can be substituted for ‘Pis’ (I’ll let you guys figure that one out).
For Stressing Things
These can not be used on their own, but are often used in front of all kinds of unrelated words to exaggerate them (and add a touch of vulgarity to otherwise innocent statements).
Pisse-
Literally: Pissing
This is another versatile one. It’s used like Brits use ‘bloody’ and Americans use ‘fucking’ when put in front of an adjective. If someone is ‘bloody annoying’, a Dane would call them ‘pisseirriterende’.
Can be substituted for ‘skide-‘.
Sgu
Literally: ? (I have absolutely no idea)
I’m not even sure there’s an English equivalent for this, but I use this word at least 30 times a day. You add it to a sentence after the verb a bit like you would inject ‘actually’; only it’s considered a little bit crude and it’s not a warning that mansplaining is about to happen.
You’d lightly scold a child for using ‘sgu’, but it’s not really considered inappropiate. I use it both at work and when talking to elderly relatives.
Example: ‘Det ser sgu godt ud!’ (‘That actually looks great!)
Insults
Some of these aren’t even considered vulgar, but they’re satisfying nonetheless.
Klaphat
Literally: Clapping hat
This is my favorite. Not because it’s one I use all that often, but because it confuses foreigners who google the term.
Used in place of ‘Idiot’.
(Please go google it.)
Fjols
Literally: Fool
Mild way of calling someone an idiot.
Kraftidiot
Literally: Power idiot
This one is considered more crass, but sometimes you just gotta let a power idiot know they’re acting like a power idiot.
Used like ‘Moron’ or ‘Retard’, but without being an offensive term for people with learning disabilities.
(We got those, too, but I won’t include them. I’m only teaching you terms you can use without being a giant Kraftidiot.)
Røvhul
Literally: Asshole
Used like ‘Asshole’.
Cruder words
Danish also uses words for ‘bitch’, ‘whore’, ‘pig’ and a variety of sexual slurs for swearing, but they’re mostly used by teenagers and people who got dropped on their head as children, so I’m not going to teach them to you. I prefer my cursing to have a certain amount of dignity.
So see you later, klaphatte!
I am old and the and it was one of my parents friends that use to say “I smell a dirty Cuban in Denmark”. Ever hear of that one? I took it as “Some thing fishy is going on”
See, this is why I go on the internet. All the other benefits pale in comparison. Making friends the world over? S’alright. Mounds of research at my fingertips? Okay. The fact that every job I’ve ever had in my adult life relies on the internet? Meh. But it helping me swear better? That’s why I get up in the morning.
Glad to be of service! 😀
I actually googled ‘klaphat’. It was kinda obvious bust still made me laugh. I can fully see why it means ‘idiot’ 😀
I’m not sure what it says about us that this article of clothing is what we invented to show national pride at football matches…
I can tell you that most of my father in law swearing at me is also because I catch things he doesn’t in Pokemon Go. Or when I beat him in PvP battling with stupid things.
Ah, the PvP battling… I’m catching a lot of shit for that, because the randomized rewards system keeps giving me the things my mother need.
But somehow it’s okay for her to brag with a victory, even if she only achieved it because her 35 kg sled dog jumped into my lap and accidentally headbutted me during the battle.