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Adventures in World of Warcraft Shadowlands

World of Warcraft Shadowlands Bastion Statue

We’re taking a break from our scheduled book content to give you a gaming post. This is, of course, in celebration of World of Warcraft: Shadowlands, the new expansion to the game I have been playing for 15 years, like some loon with game Stockholm Syndrome.

Even though I have not played for more than a year – and though I actually missed the (first) release date announcement for Shadowlands – I had to come back. More out of habit than anything.

I reactivated my subscription a couple of days before the Shadowlands launch, so I would have time to do the pre-patch content. I’ll sum it up like this:

“Not much is going on here, I’ll just–ARRRRGH, ZOMBIES!”

…Which brings us to Shadowlands.

Basically, Sylvanas steals the Lich King’s hat, breaks the world, and then kidnaps a bunch of Horde and Alliance leaders, forcing us to do something about it.

It sounds lame when I tell you about it, but the cinematics are pretty damn cool.

World of Warcraft Shadowlands Cinematic Trailer

By the way, is nobody feeling guilty about leaving Bolvar sitting on a block of ice since 2009…? If we’re going into the realm of the dead to rescue Jaina and Thrall, surely we could have at least tried to find a way to save the Highlord from the Lich King’s influence without everything going to hell (literally).

He seems cool with it, though.

Cool, heh…

Yeah, I’m just going to roll with this, and not edit out unintentional puns. You have been warned.

The Maw

World of Warcraft Shadowlands The Maw

I don’t have that much to say about our intro into the Shadowlands. We go in, we kill some poor, tormented dead people, we find Jaina and the others rather easily… and then completely fails at rescuing them. ending with Anduin sacrificing himself to save us.

Damn it, Anduin, why do you think we went here to begin with?!

Oribos

World of Warcraft Shadowlands Oribos

We arrive at the center of the Shadowlands, and amazingly we’re not executed on sight. We meet the Arbiter, who’s supposed to be judging every soul entering the Shadowlands, but she’s been sleeping on the job and allowing everything to go… well, to hell.

And, really, what is up with these shady as fuck headless traders everywhere? The inhabits of Oribos admits to having no concept of possessing stuff, so what are all these foreign traders doing here? Where did they come from? Why don’t they have heads?!

I think I need to go lie down…

 

Bastion

World of Warcraft Shadowlands Bastion Statue

Bastion is the first leveling zone we get to. There’s a lot of blue people there.

My initial impression of Bastion was that it was reeeally pretty. Utterly gorgeous, really. And then…

“Owl creatures… There are owl creatures here…”

These ‘stewards’ seem to have been created from my nightmares. They’re ridiculously cute and eager-to-please, with squeaky, happy voices, but I have lived with a cute-looking owl for far too long to fall for the innocent facade.

Obviously, these things are the main villains of this expansion.

 

Maldraxxus

World of Warcraft Shadowlands Maldraxxus

The Kyrian of Bastion were very welcoming.

The Necrolords in Maldraxxus threw me into a free-for-all melee within five minutes of arrival.

Different attitudes, you know.

I liked Maldraxxus. It’s the kind of place where everyone – from tough warrior women to slime-obsessed plague doctors that lost their minds long ago – can rise through the ranks.

The crazy necromancers trying to kill you is just part of the deal.

 

Ardenweald

World of Warcraft Shadowlands Ardenweald

Ah, Ardenweald… A beautiful, tranquil forest filled with happy Fae and… you know, the horrible corruption that makes everyone go insane and kill their friends.

Happy people makes for poor quests.

Speaking of quests, could I please get the option to say no when I’m traveling through an empty forest and happen upon a crying girl asking for me to help her sick granny? My only thought was that this was a trap.

It was indeed a trap.

My last comment on Ardenweald is this:

Oh my god, ghost otters! <3

 

Revendreth

World of Warcraft Shadowlands Revendreth

This place is all vampires and gargoyles. I love it.

Also, I’m really digging the Venthyr’s fashion sense. If you’re going to be arrogant assholes involved in corruption, you should do so while looking fabulous.

And you should definitely get a crossbow… Even if you might end up in a three-way crossbow stand-off where you all eventually shoot each other.

…If anyone asks, that wasn’t my fault.


If you want to know what Covenant I ended up with: I went Night Fae on my mage. I’m not entirely sure why, but I cackled manically throughout the entire “Azeroth play” quest and I couldn’t stop. It’s not like the comment “You can’t just stab a planet!” is even funny, but for some reason it had me in stitches.

I’m a bit broken.

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Do I Play Too Much Heroes of the Storm? Why Yes. Yes, I do

Not many think much of Heroes of the Storm after Blizzard pulled the plug on its eSport’s scene – throwing in the towel and admitting to League of Legends that they win – but it’s still my MOBA of choice. Possibly because it’s less popular, meaning I have less 12-year olds shouting at me than if I went to LoL…

But I play too much. Waaay too much. Fair enough, I have been playing ever since the alpha, but as of writing this, I’m level 1167. 1167. You don’t even have to know anything about Heroes of the Storm or similar games to know that that’s too much.

But what can I say? It’s my go-to game whenever I just want to kick back and not think too much.

Heroes of the Storm

My favorite hero is Nazeebo. He’s at level 133 for me at the moment. You get to trap people with a ring of zombies, and then throw spiders at their head when they can’t move. It’s lovely.

But Nazeebo doesn’t have the best voice lines. And that’s one of the greatest things about trying different heroes in this game: the hilarious comments they make if you click on them. I’m “only” level 46 with Brightwing, but he’s my favorite adorable psychopath. He’s a small fairy dragon with a really cutesy voice, and he says things like this:

“I like happy things. Like puppies, and rainbows, and… Dead enemies.” (Voice going from cute to a ominous whisper at ‘dead enemies’)
“I will be very happy to tear you limb from limb if you continue.” (Said all cutesy)
“Let us make their insides, outsides.”
“It’ll only hurt untill you die.”

Adorable, right?

Johanna (level 49) is great as well. She’s my kind of sarcastic:

“Jokes? You’re expecting jokes? Fine, I believe I can accommodate.”
“A crusader, a paladin, and a templar walk into a tavern…and they all have a drink.” (laughs) “No?”
“Oh Akarat, bless this, thy holy flail, that with it, thou mayest smite thine enemies into tiny, tiny, unfathomably tiny bits, in thy mercy. Let it be so.”
“Some fellow mistook me for a templar yesterday. I asked him: have you ever heard me shout ‘GLORIOUS!’ He answered, ‘I have now!'” (chuckles) “He was a witty fellow. Shame he’s dead now.”

I’ve even gotten my friends to play with me now (they’re all League of Legends players, so it took a LOT of convincing), and I keep telling them they need to play with the sound on so that they can enjoy the voice lines.

That has now resulted in our healer being miffed that Imperius – who another in our team plays as his main – merely says “Do you expect thanks for fulfilling your duty?” every time she heals him. She’s now trying to get him to play a more polite character…


I just realized that, by now, I have a whole series of rambling posts about my favorite games. So if you enjoy my utterly random way of talking about games, I have posts on:

A Newbie Demon Hunter’s Search For Pants in Diablo III 

The Witcher 3 – A Few of My Favorite Quests 

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey and the Powerful Desire to Punch Sokrates in the Face

and Favorite Companions in Dragon Age

The Witcher one very nearly makes sense… but you’re on your own with the rest.

 

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A Newbie Demon Hunter’s Search For Pants in Diablo III

Diablo III Act 1

So, last week I finally got around to playing Diablo III.
Not sure what took me so long. You would think a game where you get to run around in a dark forest and shoot demons in the face with a crossbow would be right up my alley, right?

Anyway, so I made a Demon Hunter and spent the first 30 minutes running around… pretty much ignoring my quest and instead desperately searching for a pair of pants for my poor character.

Seriously, you start out with a crossbow and stiletto-heel boots (that is NOT forest-suited footwear), but there wasn’t any money left to buy the poor gal some pants?

Demon Hunter Level 1

In the end, I took a pair of pants of a dead soldier in a basement. After I shot all the zombies gnawing on him. Magically, they fit me perfectly (and did not have a trace of zombie guts on them)!

I still would have liked a jacket, but I feel like I was just being demanding at that point.

After getting my pants, and shooting a bunch more zombies with arrows I’m not sure where I was keeping, I was off to save an old man. Luckily, as someone who has watched way too many BlizzCon livestreams over the years, and played way too much Heroes of the Storm, I knew this dude and was fairly sure he wouldn’t be zombified by the time I got to him.

But I was also fairly sure that if he went all “Stay a while and listen”, I might just shoot him in the face for the hell of it.

Perhaps luckily for him, I didn’t find the old coot before it was time for bed (real life bosses do not accept “monster hunting” as an excuse for why you didn’t get enough sleep to do your day job). I did, however, find more zombies. Soooo many zombies. And bats. And more zombies.

You get the point.

Long story short, I got my pants and I’m getting way too fond of this crossbow. Pretty much the only thing keeping me from shooting everyone in the face, friend or enemy, is because the game won’t allow me to.