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Spoilers Ahead – Thoughts on the Last Episode of Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones Red Keep

I almost got sad while writing this post for the very last episode of Game of Thrones. Not just because it was the end of an (overall) amazing show, but because I have really enjoyed channeling all my sarcasm and bad sense of humor into these posts.

What am I going to spend my Mondays on now?! Here’s hoping we won’t have to wait too long for a prequel.

Now, where was I…? Oh, right.

Spoilers.

Obviously this will contain spoilers for season 8, episode 6, “The Iron Throne” and as such, the end of Game of Thrones. If you’re not quite ready to find out who does or does not sit on the Iron Throne, and who does or does not (though you know ‘does not’ is unlikely) die a terrible death, you should stop reading now.

And then I say now, I mean now.

What follows is my usual mess of thoughts in chronological order through the episode. Maybe tomorrow I’ll do a post about season 8 as a whole that will actually make a bit of sense, but for now, enjoy the randomness.

Game of Thrones Drogon The Iron Throne

If Opening Credits were Twitter Users, I Would Yell at Them for Spoiling

I got ridiculously excited about seeing the names of actors of some of the characters I thought the show had just totally abandoned two episodes ago. But if Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Lena Headey are just going to play corpses, I think maybe they should be moved to the end credits instead…

(But who knows? They might do a killer performance as dead people!)

Speaking of Dead People…

King’s Landing has seen better days, huh?

If they’re still going to be battling for the Iron Throne, I think they should all consider that the one who wins is also the one who has to clean all of this up…

“It’s Not Safe”

No shit, Jon. You’re telling me going to talk to the mad person who just destroyed an entire city and slaughtered about a million civilians might be a bit dangerous?

If Tyrion doesn’t know that, he really is an idiot, and you might as well let him get eaten.

I mean, after all this, Drogon is bound to feel hungry.

Why the Hell Aren’t You Leaving?!

Why are Jon, Davos and Tyrion even trying to speak to Daenerys and those still carrying out her commands? If there was ever a time to say “fuck it” and just run, it’s now.

There isn’t anything left to salvage.

Oh, No, You Don’t…

No, no, no. Don’t have Tyrion dig out the corpse of the only person who always supported him. Don’t do this to me.

I’m not going to cry.

(I’m not, I’m not, I’m not…)

Decorating is Important, But Not That Important

Did they pack that huge ass Targaryen banner before invading or did they have a team of Unsullied seamsters working among the burning ruins?

But I understand. Obviously you need to decorate your pile of rubble before moving in.

At Least Drogon Seems Happy

He finally gets to fly free and burn and eat all the innocents his little dragon heart desires.

Where Did All These Dothraki Come From…?

Didn’t we see the entire Dothraki army charge into the dark during the battle for Winterfell and get squashed by the Night King’s army?

Or does it just not count if it happens off-screen?

You Gotta Give It to Dany…

…her hair game is on point. She has just committed genocide, yet her hairdo is more elaborate than ever.

If I have a busy day ahead of me, I barely manage to do a passable ponytail.

Did the Definition of ‘Liberate’ Change…?

“You have liberated the people of King’s Landing from the grip of a tyrant.”

Yeah, no shit… They’re all dead. They’ll be hard to boss around now.

(Especially because all the necromancers are dead, too.)

Tyrion is Back to His Old Ways… And That’s Okay

Not only did he finally stand up to a crazy person again, the first thing he asks when Jon comes to see him in his cell is, “Did you bring any wine?”

If I was in his shoes in this episode, I would also have done something that earned me a death sentence and then tried to drink myself to death before I was turned into a matchstick.

It seems like the thing to do in this situation.

How Did You Manage to Make This Sadder, Tyrion?

Tyrion’s life couldn’t really get much worse right now, but I still feel like it’s rather sad that Tyrion’s best friend in the world was Varys.

You need to meet new people, Tyrion.

(Not that there’s a whole lot left…)

Okay, That’s It. Someone Kill Jon Before I Lose It

I am just done with Jon Snow. He has always been naive, but are you kidding me with this?!

He just said he wouldn’t try to justify it, yet here he is, trying to pretend any of the shit Daenerys went through excuses genocide.

Ned Stark didn’t raise his children, biological or otherwise, to be someone I wanted to hit in the face with a shovel. Not even season 1 Sansa was this naive.

(You’re making me overuse italics, Jon Snow, and you deserve every bit of my judgmental formatting!)

Poor Drogon

Mommy makes you burn down all the big, warm buildings and then makes you sleep outside and get covered in snow?

Someone call PETA.

How Is The Iron Throne Still in One Piece?

The Iron Throne is basically just an incredibly ugly, incredibly pointy piece of furniture, but daaamn, it’s sturdy.

My sofas can barely handle bored cats; This chair is dragon-proof.

Coo-Coo!

Obviously we all knew Daenerys was crazy by now, but that look she gives the Iron Throne is the look usually seen on people wearing straight-jackets in padded rooms…

I admire how they just went all-out with the crazy. They could have had Dany be a little horrified after calming down from her temper tantrum, or even a bit regretful at now having to rule over a pile of rubble, but no: They just let her cut all ties with reality.

I sort of respect that.

Finally!

I kept thinking, “If I was him, I would be doing this because I intended to stab her. But Jon doesn’t have the balls to do something like that.”

As anticlimatic as Dany’s death turned out to be, I’m at least thankful that Jon finally did what needed to be done.

…Now what the hell are they going to do for the rest of the episode?

Uh Oh… Mommy’s Boy is Home

Not sure how they made Drogon’s grief feel so much more powerful than Jon’s, but it was a truly touching scene.

Though I’ll admit, for a second there… I honestly thought he was going to eat her.

Don’t judge me, okay? I’m tired.

The Molten Throne

Now we just need a corrupted knight wielding Lavamourne.

That’s a really bad Warcraft joke. Just smile and nod.

I Expected More From You, Yara

What is it with seemingly sensible characters condoning mass-slaughter, just because the one doing it helped them in the past? Yara has never seemed the type to put up with anyone’s shit and I didn’t think she would want to play vassal to a madwoman.

Same with Grey Worm. He used to follow Daenerys because she protected innocent people.

At least Tyrion finally woke up.

Wait, Robin’s Still Alive?

Of all the characters I thought would be standing in the last episode, Robin Arryn never even made Top 100.

And Edmure, Too!

Honestly couldn’t remember who he was before Sansa called him uncle.

He’s got a lot of nerve to stand up and act like he’s the most experienced one when he’s best known for being a captive and for shagging his new wife while his family and all of their men were being brutally murdered.

Be a good boy and sit down, Edmure.

Are You Really Suggesting Democracy, Sam?

That concept is going to be harder for these people to accept than the existence of White Walkers, dear Lord Tarly.

However, they should all know better than to not take Sam seriously by now.

A lot of shit would have been prevented if people just listened to Sam.

Oh, Bran, You Little Bastard…

So he knew he was going to be king all this time and he just let everyone else fight like rapid dogs for the throne?

I admit, I didn’t see that one coming. Well played, Brandon Stark. Well played.

Now turn down the creepiness a bit, okay…?

(Sam’s encouraging smile to Tyrion is adorable.)

Tyrion, Give Yourself a Bit of Credit

You say you aren’t wise, but you just somehow reached the best solution for this messed-up kingdom. And, even more amazing, got everyone to agree that it’s the best solution.

You started out as a drunken whoremonger. Now you’re a miracle worker.

How Much Time Has Passed, Anyway?!

Tyrion says he’s spent weeks in captivity, thinking over everything, yet King’s Landing looks like it has had years to be rebuilt by the time Jon is let out.

Unlike the Game of Thrones Writers, I Will Inform You When Time Jumping

I will now be skipping all the major scenes until we see Tyrion again and addressing them at the end, because I have nothing sarcastic to say and I don’t want to randomly get serious in the middle of everything.

Greatest. Council. Ever

Tyrion as Hand, with Sam, Bronn, Davos and Brienne as the King’s Council?

That’s a dream team if I ever saw one.

And Podrick looking all proud in his Kingsguard armor? Just precious.

But really? They made Bronn Master of Coin? How is that ever going to end well?

But Davos spent a lot of time learning to read. If he has the skills to be Master of Grammar, he deserves the title.

Also, if HBO needs ideas for spin-offs: I would totally watch a mini-series about this council dealing with the day-to-day work of rebuilding King’s Landing.

GHOST!

Jon does in no way deserve Ghost’s affection, but I still got all teary-eyed when he finally petted him.

Sometimes, I think I’m a cold and unfeeling person, but then I see a display of love between a dog and its owner and I’m hit with Instant Emotions. It’s good to know I’m not completely dead inside, even if my empathy is reserved for fluffy companions.

And Lastly, To My Coworker Who Said the Starks Weren’t Going to Win:

I’m so going to lord this over you tomorrow.

(He also said he thought Daenerys would be the best queen.)

…I’m only being this petty because he mistook my Witcher medallion for a Stark insignia and they look exactly nothing alike.

Game of Thrones Stark Sail

 

A few final thoughts (it’s the last episode, so I’ll throw in a few serious ones): 

While the pacing was all wrong, and I had hoped for an epic fight to end it all, I think the end result here is as good as it could possibly be.

Bran will be a good king. He just needs to leave the diplomacy to Tyrion so he doesn’t creep out all his new allies.

I have always wanted Sansa as queen, and I have never thought countries stretched across regions with vastly different cultures really worked, so Winterfell as a separate kingdom seems like a great solution, when the King of the Six Kingdoms and the Queen in the North are on good terms. I did actually think it would end with all the seven kingdoms becoming independent again.

Jon needs a simple life. He’s not good with decisions and he’s too naive for politics, so a simple life on the Wall (or living with the wildlings) is the best choice for him. Hopefully he won’t get Caesar’ed again…

Brienne finishing Jaime’s entry in the Book of Brothers is bittersweet, but so beautiful.

Tyrion has already proved that he’s a good hand (the first time around, not to Daenerys…), so even if he’s going to be ever so slightly miserable, he’s the obvious choice.

I’m hoping Arya will finally become less murderous now when her deceased family is avenged and her living one is safe. She was beginning to worry me a bit.

 

All in all, I believe everything will end well as long as Drogon doesn’t come back for revenge and someone keeps an eye on Bronn.


As I said, I will probably do another post about what I actually think about the last season (instead of just live commentary) and it will probably be dull, because I’m at my best when I’m just rambling, but stay tuned.

If you’re late to the party, but still want to read my thoughts on the other episodes of season 8, here’s my posts for “Winterfell”, “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”, “The Long Night”, “The Last of the Starks” and “The Bells”.

And, of course, I want to hear your thoughts in the comments!

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Eh, Spoilers – Thoughts on Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 5

Game of Thrones Ballista The Bells

Spoilers for Game of Thrones season 8, episode 5: “The Bells”

You will all be pleased to hear that because this episode had no scenes that touched or impressed me at all, this week’s commentary won’t contain hype or fangirling. Instead it will have turned fully back to my trademark Snark, Sarcasm and Randomness.

(And you all know I do that better than joy.)

So here you have my thoughts as they appeared in my head while watching the episode. One of these days I might do a proper review, but this is not that day. You’ll have to make do with the unedited transcript of my brain.

Game of Thrones Ballista The Bells

You Know Your Commentary is Going to be Boring When…

…your first thought is, “Huh… Varys’ handwriting looks a lot like my own.”

Years of Being an Asshole is Coming Back to Haunt You, Varys

I kept thinking “Why is no one listening to Varys?!”… Then I remembered that he has spent all the other seasons lying and manipulating, and not really making himself out to be the kind of person you can trust the opinions of.

Oh Sure, Like We Didn’t See This One Coming

Did anyone honestly think Daenerys wasn’t going to burn Varys alive at some point?  He basically had “barbeque appetizer” written on the forehead ever since that very first meeting Dany held on Westeros soil.

“Far More People in Westeros Love You Than Love Me”

Maybe that’s because all you have done since you arrived is to burn people?!

Seriously, what happened to the Daenerys Targaryen who gained the love of people by freeing them from slavery instead of just feeling entitled to their love?

Arya Knows How to Make an Entrance

“Where you going?”

“I’m Arya Stark. I’m going to kill Queen Cersei.”

…And that’s when the poor Golden Company guard made the choice of smart low-level employees everywhere and went to get the manager.

The Stupidest Lannister(s)

Did someone drop both of the Lannister brothers on their heads (repeatedly) sometime between episodes? By now, they should know that negotiating with Cersei is a lost cause, but for some reason they keep trying.

Also, Jaime believing there’s a place for him with Cersei and Tyrion believing Daenerys might not burn him alive for releasing his brother shows they have both become much dumber in the span of just a few episodes.

And why hasn’t Jaime put a glove over that stupid hand yet? Seems like the obvious solution if you want to hide being down one real hand.

Not sure when Lannister took the prize as the dumbest of the houses, but with Tywin and Kevan gone, the collective brain power can apparently be beaten by a single dim-witted chihuahua.

That Being Said…

Last time we had a scene like this between the Lannister brothers, Tyrion went and killed their father, so let’s just assume Jaime will get his head out of his ass and kill their sister.

Okay, Cersei Has Surprisingly Good Taste in Siege Weaponry

Those lion-head ballistae are awesome.

Funny Time to Introduce a New Character

Disregarding how Jaime took my advice about the glove, then took it off just to show off his golden hand while walking through the city where everyone will know who owns it (what is even the point of the hood, dude?) and how the Golden Company guard apparently let Arya and the Hound in after Arya said she wanted to kill Cersei…

…am I the only one who thinks it’s a bit strange that the man in charge of King’s Landing’s defenses in the last season is a guy we have seen once (briefly) before? Couldn’t the guy have gotten a little more screen time earlier, so we know if he’s an asshole or not?

If he’s going to die an awful death in 30 minutes, I would like to know whether I should be happy about it.

Aaaaaand… He’s Dead

That didn’t take long.

Turns out his biggest achievement was making it onto one of the sneak preview photos for the episode.

(That’s what you get for not bringing any elephants.)

Cersei, What Are You Planning…?

I don’t like Cersei doing nothing. Cersei doing nothing usually means something horrible is about to happen to people that don’t deserve it…

Destruction All Around

Really, Dany, if you intend to move in… maybe don’t destroy all of the furniture.

You Guys Made the Right Choice

It’s a lovely moment when you see all the Lannister soldiers simultanously think the thought, “Cersei’s not worth this.”

What the Shit, People?!

One thing is Dany going ape-shit and slaughtering people after the city has surrendered, but Grey Worm and everyone else?!

I mean, I liked Missandei too, but has her death really turned everyone’s personality around 180 degrees to where murdering innocent people is totally okay?

Really? Really?

If Jaime dies while wrestling Euron Greyjoy over who gets to be abused by Cersei, just in case she survives, I’m going to be slightly miffed.

Euron Greyjoy, Creepy to the End

I had hoped for Euron to die from someone breaking a jar of wildfire on his genitals (or something similar), but I’ll take what I can get.

Plot Twist: Arya’s the Sane One

When the girl who cuts off people’s faces and wear them as her own is the one acting sensible… you know you’re all screwed.

Clegane Bowl is On

And that will teach you not to make zombie giants, Qyburn! Seriously, how did you think that was going to end?

I must say, though: Gregor’s face – not as horrifying as I thought it would be.

Does This Dragon Never Run Out of Fuel?

Shouldn’t there be a point where the worst of Daenerys’ mental breakdown/temper tantrum begins to cool down? Right now, the killing of King’s Landing’s citizens seems almost methodical rather than random rage-fueled destruction…

Gore and Dust Everywhere

Wouldn’t it be quite a surprise if Arya ended up dying from lung cancer caused by inhaling asbestos…?

This Episode is All Kinds of Messed-Up

How the hell did they make Cersei the most likeable character in this episode…?

I couldn’t even be mad that I didn’t get to see Jaime kill her in the end.

And Where the Hell Did This Horse Come From?!

There’s no way everyone’s dead, expect from Arya and one worryingly calm horse. What kind of twisted Disney-shit is this?!


Okay, so… I’m probably going to need some time to digest this.

What are your thoughts on this episode? Did it make any sense to you…?

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Spoilers, Y’all – Thoughts on Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 4

Game of Thrones Tyrion The Last of the Starks

Today’s Game of Thrones post is a little delayed, because my mom insisted on coming by and celebrating my birthday.

Pfft, who cares about that when there’s a new GoT episode waiting?

Anyway, you know the drill: This post includes spoilers for season 8, episode 4 “The Last of the Starks”, so stop reading if you intend to see the episode and haven’t yet.

Okay, time for all the random, disjointed thoughts I had during this week’s episode:

Game of Thrones The Last of the Starks

Well, This is Depressing

Seeing people grieve the dead will always feel much worse to me than simply seeing them die.

Damn it, Game of Thrones, I try to make these commentaries funny and you’re giving me nothing to work with.

Also, good on you, Sam, for burning Edd like you promised… after there’s no longer any chance of him getting zombified.

Dany, Do You Want to Make Everyone Hate You?

Seriously, what did Gendry do?! Why are you trying to make him piss his pants in public before you get to the point and legitimize him as well as grant him a lordship?

If you want a pretty new pawn to manipulate, you don’t need to point out how the father of said pawn murdered your family.

(I seriously didn’t hate Daenerys before this season, and I want to root for the strong female leaders so badly, but it’s becoming more and more difficult…)

Davos, Your Dialogue is Pure Poetry

“Lord of Light. We play his game for him, we fight his war and win, and then… he fucks off.”

This has got to be the best description of religion ever.

I need everyone to be just a bit more like Davos.

Bran… You’re Creepy

Not really much to add here.

Booze Will Solve Everything

Jaime and Tyrion playing drinking games with Brienne was just what I needed.

But Tormund needs to stop gesturing so much while telling stories. You’re spilling precious beer, man!

At Least Tormund Doesn’t Let a Broken Heart Get Him Down For Long

Jaime wins the night’s battle for Brienne’s attention, simply by being seated closer to the door, and Tormund goes to sob on the Hound’s shoulder. Luckily for the Hound, some Northern girl offers to cheer up the wildling and Tormund decides that it’s time to move on. It’s been an entire five minutes, after all.

Gendry, Slow Down, Mate!

You have gone from passive flirting to “I love you, marry me and come live with me in the castle I just got 10 minutes ago!” in the span of 24 hours.

There’s such a thing as coming on too strong, dude.

Love is in the Air

Are they trying to cater to shippers of every single pairing in this episode?

Because I’m strangely okay with that.

In the past, I have been just fine with Jaime and Brienne having a platonic friendship, because they were awesome together like that, but Drunk Jealous Jaime is all kinds of adorable. This has got to be the cutest romantic scene in the entire show.

…Gods save me, I’m turning into a fangirl.

Damn It, Dany

People are being cute. Go be gloomy somewhere else.

Also, Jon: That whole aunt-nephew thing… You’re just not going to address that…?

Stark Family Meeting

Last Stark family meeting about a King of the North choosing the wrong girl resulted in the Red Wedding, so I have great hopes for the outcome of this one.

I’m So Glad Tyrion Gets to be Funny Again in This Season

“Do you know how long I have waited to tell tall person jokes?”

It’s sweet that Tyrion is happy about Jaime and Brienne… even if it’s just because he’s now not the only Lannister dwarfed by his girlfriends.

However the quote “To climbing mountains” have a completely wrong meaning if you consider that there’s actually still a ‘living’ character nicknamed The Mountain…

…Urgh.

Enter Ser Bronn with a Crossbow

I love how Tyrion is more surprised at seeing Bronn without a drink than seeing him at Winterfell at all, and Jaime is the only one wondering why he’s aiming a crossbow at them.

Seriously, what’s in the beer in this place…?

Why Don’t Ghost Get a Hug?!

Everyone gets hugs, but Ghost is just being abandoned by Jon with a quick glance?

As a lifelong dog owner, I cannot abide this!

Draaaaaama…

Finally, someone brings up the aunt-thing. And it’s Varys, of all people. Right now, he sounds a lot like early-seasons Tyrion.

You know, the one who’s realistic about people and tries to plan ahead for an impending war-causing temper tantrum.

It’s not comforting that Tyrion’s best-case scenario is, “Maybe Cersei will win and kill us all. That would solve our problems.”

Oh, Hey Cersei!

I think someone’s mad at having been overlooked this season…

“I Don’t Think a Cock is a True Qualification”

Preaching to the choir, Tyrion. Preaching to the choir.

Damn It, Jaime…

All the shit you have said to Brienne over the years, and THIS is what finally makes her cry.

You better make good on your drama and murder your sister after this.

Qyburn and Tyrion Chatting

The Hand of Daenerys and the Hand of Cersei are facing off against each other and no one uses the phrase “Talk to the Hand”?

Really?

Talk about missed opportunities.

Dracarys!

…Splat.

Missandei didn’t deserve this. But bizarrely, there’s something reassuring about being back to good old-fashioned beheading instead of being murdered by dragons and undead and undead dragons and all that.

Game of Thrones Tyrion The Last of the Starks

That’s all for now. If you’re interested, you can read my stupid commentaries for “Winterfell”, “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” and “The Long Night” as well.

 

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Spoilers Galore – Thoughts on Game of Thrones S8E3, the Battle of Winterfell

Game of Thrones Drogon Battle of Winterfell

Spoilers. So, so many spoilers.

I’m not kidding. If you haven’t watched season 8 episode 3 ‘The Long Night’ and you’re seeing a preview of this – Don’t click on it. If you have already clicked – Get out of here!

Unless, of course, you want to have a really epic Game of Thrones episode spoiled for you instead of just watching it yourself.

Then I guess I can’t stop you.

If you have watched the episode: We need to discuss it in the comment section. Read the post, don’t read the post – we’re talking about this.

If you want to hear my random, disjointed thoughts, I have written another stream of consciousness like I did for ‘Winterfell‘ and ‘A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms‘. Keep scrolling.

Game of Thrones Battle of Winterfell Dracarys


Fire Bitch is Back!

Melisandre’s presence usually means nothing but trouble (of the ‘burning children for no good reason’ variety), but she actually seems to be useful this time around!

It puzzled me why the army wasn’t carrying torches, considering fire is the one surefire (haha, get it?) way to deal with these undead bastards, but apparently they were all just waiting around for a certain redhead to turn up and light their swords on fire.

So, yeah… useful. But I still don’t blame Davos his “Oh, shit”-expression when he realizes he has to let her in.

Why Can’t These Guys Have Their Fight in the Daylight?!

Obviously, I have already answered my own question above – Melisandre’s fireshow wouldn’t have been as epic during the day, but I’m watching during the day and I can’t see a thing. I’m not getting blackout curtains just because the Night King suddenly thinks he’s a vampire and can’t handle sunlight.

I know, I know, Night King, but he’s been perfectly happy showing up in all his pale, blue-eyed glory under equally blue skies before.

Melisandre Staring at Someone Never Bodes Well

I know you’re tough, Arya, but you’re not fireproof. I would discreetly move somewhere out of sight.

Chaaaaaaaaarge!

…Okay, that didn’t go well.

“We Need Dragon Support!”

Seriously, why even bother with the damn army? If the dragon barbeque doesn’t do the trick, you guys are screwed anyway.

Oh, First Casualty…

Poor Edd.

Here’s hoping they don’t zombify you.

It’s All Sunshine and Rainbows in the Crypt

First of… Does this crypt have another exit? Am I the only one uncomfortable by all the vulnerable people being stuffed into a stone tomb where they can’t escape if the enemy breaches the defenses?

No? Okay, then.

Sansa and Varys are both totally embracing their new home and spreading just about as much cheer as the dead people around them. Tyrion is still believing he can actually do something besides becoming zombie food, and Missandei is just fed up with everyone’s shit.

What the Hell are Dany and Jon Doing?

Why are you just flapping around up there?

Turn around and roast some goddamn zombies!

Wait… Where is Ghost?!

Jorah came back from the failed charge, but I just realized Ghost wasn’t with him.

Where is Ghost?!

Screw the Night King, everybody needs to be looking for the doggy RIGHT NOW.

Okay, Jaime Did Actually Punch A Wight in the Face…

After the first episode of the season, a friend on Twitter suggested that Jaime should have a hand made from dragonglass. I jokingly asked, “What is he supposed to do with that? Punch zombies in the face?”

I take it all back. Somehow… it works.

If Anyone Important Dies, I’ll Probably Miss It

Still can’t see a thing on this screen.

I’m just going to find someone else’s recap later and figure out who died.

Oh, So That’s Why Arya was Trending on Twitter!

Everyone’s just getting tackled by wights left and wight, half the big tough characters are pissing their pants, and Arya is a one-woman army, making good use of her fancy new Baratheon-forged spear.

“You can’t beat death!”
“Tell her that!”

(Proofread edit: I swear the “left and wight”-typo wasn’t intentional, but I’ll be damned if I’m not leaving it in now.)

Lyanna Mormont, Tiny Badass to the End

As much as I want to rage about Lyanna being killed off, it’s hard when she took a fucking undead giant down with her, all the while screaming like a banshee.

The scene was just too perfect an end to the character for me to be truly mad about it.

Beric Dondarrion is the Real Hero Here

I really hope Dondarrion doesn’t die. Permanently, I mean. Not because he’s particularly important, but I can only actually see what’s going on when he’s around with his handy flaming sword.

(…and literally 10 seconds after I wrote that note down, Dondarrion was tackled by wights and stabbed to death.)

Okay, So the Night King is Fireproof

That can’t be good.

(Also, he’s so obviously a Targaryen. Targaryen symbolism all over the place, dragon-riding skills and fireproof skin. I have read 5 books and 3 short stories that all hammered into my skull that those last two were the main traits of a Targaryen.)

But What are His Clothes Made From…?

I understand that no one wants to see a butt-naked Night King, but I do think it’s a little unfair that Daenerys had to lose all her clothing after taking a fire bath, while Blue Guy’s armor isn’t even singed.

…Holy Shit Zombies!

I did not see Wight Lyanna Mormont coming!

But Everyone Called the Dead Starks in the Crypt Waking Up…

…yet it was somehow still shocking.

Bran is Just Chilling While Everyone’s Dying

Good thing Theon’s grown some balls (we all know he needs them), because Bran’s just sleeping through the whole battle.

Meanwhile, Jorah is dying defending his queen, as we all knew he would. Brienne and Jaime are being overrun by wights side by side, Jon is playing tag with Viserion, Sansa and Tyrion are finally coming to an understanding that would have been a lot more useful back when they were actually married, Varys is surprisingly still alive, and the Night King is pretending he’s in a gangster movie.

Then there’s a lot of staring in slow-motion…

…and then Arya comes flying out of nowhere and stabs the Night King.

 

Okay, Final Death Count

I saw Edd, Lyanna, Dondarrion, Theon, Jorah and Melisandre as the major casualties, but again, I couldn’t actually see anything most of the time.

I’m watching it again after nightfall, so I might lose another 5 named characters then.

And, of course, there’s literal heaps of dead minor characters everywhere. Glad I’m not cleaning that one up.

(Also, I love how Melisandre just dies. No one’s even trying to kill her or anything.)

Game of Thrones Melisandre Necklace Battle for Winterfell

But more importantly:
Where’s Ghost?!

 

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Here Be Spoilers – Continuing My Game of Thrones Commentary with Season 8 Episode 2

Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 2 Brienne Jaime

I was asked for another commentary post after I covered “Winterfell” last week. And who am I to refuse the three people in the world who actually appreciate my sense of humor?

So here’s my random thoughts on Season 8, Episode 2: “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms”.

You know the drill, guys: This is now spoiler territory. I won’t spoil anything on social media, but once I have filled out the part of this post that will show up in various previews, all bets are off. Which also means that I would love to discuss the episode in the comments, since I can’t do so on Twitter or Facebook (hint, hint)!

Have everyone who doesn’t want to be spoiled left?

…Hey, you! Get out of here!

I think that’s all of them. Let’s begin!

Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 2 Brienne Jaime

“The Things We Do For Love”

I adore Jaime, but I still enjoyed how quickly Bran made all his bravado drain away.

Also: The duo of Kingslayer and Wench is back! I can’t stress enough how much I love Jaime and Brienne’s messed-up friendship and I’m glad they get a chance to truly be on the same side for once.

Daenerys is a Grade A B-I-T-C-H This Season

The Mother of Dragons have always been more arrogant than I’d consider good for her (or anyone else), but she’s really upping her game in season 8.

Arya is Scary (and Gendry’s Totally Into That)

I couldn’t quite decide if it was bedroom eyes or a “I’m gonna kill you and carry your face around in my handbag”-look Arya kept giving Gendry (though I probably got my answer later), but either way, I think the kid should be scared.

But the look he is giving her after she throws those daggers is definitely not one of fear…

If there was any doubt they were flirting after last episode… I think it’s gone now.

Bran, the Voice of Reason

“You won’t be able to help in this fight if I let them murder you first.”

Thanks, Bran, I think you made Jaime feel right at ease. If not, the cheery exchange that followed, “What about afterwards?” “How do you know there is an afterwards?” must have brightened the mood!

Sorry, Jaime, but you had way worse things than Bran’s brutal honesty coming to you.

Tyrion’s Outfit is Fabulous

Can we just talk about Tyrion rocking the Targaryen fashion for a second?

Everyone is Giving Jaime Grief (Except Brienne)

This episode might as well have been called “Everyone Confronting Jaime About All the Awful Shit He’s Done”, but I see how that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.

First there’s Daenerys talking about how Jaime killed her father. Though I think we’re all, including Jaime, okay with that one.

Then he has to face Bran, the boy he tried to kill and instead crippled by throwing him out a window, and Bran’s calm reason hits so much harder than anger would.

(The kid’s really good at making people feel judged without openly judging them, isn’t he…?)

Then he turns to his brother, Tyrion, who doesn’t hold any punches when he tells Jaime that Cersei never fooled him (Jaime) and that he always knew what she was. Ouch!

Brienne, on the other hand, totally goes against tradition and doesn’t verbally (and, let’s be honest, physically) abuse Jaime. What has the world come to? No wonder everyone else has to pick up the slack!

Did anyone count how many times we got to see Jaime Lannister looking like a kicked puppy?

We should make it a drinking game.

Jaime Being Polite to Brienne is Downright Creepy

I had just thought the thought that Jaime being all courteous to Brienne was sort of horrifying when Brienne herself stopped dead in her tracks and exclaimed, “What are you doing? We have never had a conversation this long without you insulting me. Not once.”

As always, Brienne doesn’t take his crap.

But I must admit, Jaime saying he would be honored to fight under Brienne’s command was incredibly sweet.

(Now get back to insulting each other. It’s how things are supposed to be!)

Daenerys and Sansa Together Would Be an Unstoppable Force

I think it might be a good thing they can’t stand each other. If they only got along, they could be ruling the seven kingdoms within a week and all the guys would be screwed.

Sansa and Theon… Just ‘Aww’

If anyone had told me in season 1 that I would have gone ‘aww, they’re so sweet’ over Theon Greyjoy and Sansa Stark, I would have laughed in their face. But the bonds between the Northerner characters in these later seasons are enough to melt even my cynical heart.

Now, if only Jon would stop screwing it up…

Davos and Gilly, the Unsung Heroes

First of: Why the hell is Davos devoted to canteen lady…?

Second, these people don’t appreciate Gilly enough. She might be an uneducated, inbred wildling girl, but she’s smarter than all of them.

Tormund, Getting His Priorities Straight

“Yeah, there’s dead people everywhere, so everyone not here will be fighting for the Night King now, yadayadayada… Is the big woman still here?”

Oh, Tormund, you adorable horndog.

(Brienne’s face when Tormund turns to look at her and goes, “At least we die together” is priceless.)

Bonding at Its Finest

Ed, Jon and Sam talking smack to each other while waiting for the battle was hilarious. Nearly as good as the brotherly bonding between Tyrion and Jaime, just before they’re joined by Brienne, Pod, Davos and Tormund, all trying to warm their asses at the fire.

Except Tormund, of course, who’s just trying to show off in front of Brienne. And failing horribly.

And then there’s the Hound, Arya and Beric Dondarrion, and the sermon only avoided by the Hound, ever so eloquently, going, “The Lord of Light is going to wonder why he bothered to bring you back 19 times just to watch you die when I chuck you over this fucking wall.”

It’s all just so sweet.

Fuck Tradition

Okay, fuck dragons, fuck undead armies. Jaime knighting Brienne was everything I didn’t know I wanted from this series.

That scene was bloody brilliant and so incredibly touching, and that can only mean one or both of them are going to die a horrible death in the next episode.

Podrick, the Troubadour

I suppose we should have seen the signs, but Pod is totally a Disney prince.

Game of Thrones Podrick Season 8 Episode 2


All in all, this episode was just beautiful (and no one died! Can you imagine?) and I can only take that to mean that the next 4 episodes will be one horrible and gruesome tragedy after another.

This is Game of Thrones. If they give me an episode that makes me laugh and warms my heart at the same time, something truly awful is waiting just around the corner…

Let me hear your thoughts! (If at least some of them aren’t about Jaime and Brienne and the knighting, I’m disowning all of you.)