Tag: Humor

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The Bookish Owl – I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett

I Shall Wear Midnight Terry Pratchett

I’m on to read I Shall Wear Midnight by Terry Pratchett!

I have been working hard on my own books for the last couple of weeks, revising like crazy to get the new editions ready for a convention in November, and my brain feels like mush at this point. I can’t even tell you how much I need Pratchett-style leisure reading. All the way through my last read, I kept subconsciously entering revision-mode, spending 5 times as long to read a page because I was correcting every slightly awkward sentence in the description-heavy dark fantasy book that I was supposed to be reading for fun.

I think something light and humorous is the only thing that will keep my brain from burning down and sliding out my ears right now…

I Shall Wear Midnight
by Terry Pratchett

As the witch of the Chalk, Tiffany Aching performs the distinctly unglamorous work of caring for the needy. But someone – or something – is inciting fear, generating dark thoughts and angry murmurs against witches. 

Tiffany must find the source of unrest and defeat the evil at its root. Aided by the tiny-but-tough Wee Free Men, Tiffany faces a dire challenge, for if she falls, the whole Chalk falls with her . . .

I Shall Wear Midnight Terry Pratchett

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Danish Swear Words and Insults 101

Danish swear words

Over the last year, I have, for some reason, ended up teaching people online Danish swear words. On several separate occasions. Not sure how it keeps happening, but now I’m leaning into it.

Time for ‘Michelle’s Guide to Swearing Like a Dane!’

First of, I got to admit that even though Danish has a lot of unique curse words, we have been ruined by American culture, just like just about everyone else. ‘Shit’ and ‘Fuck’ is an integrated part of the vocabulary of anyone above the age of 5 and below the age of 60 (but we’re a lot less sensitive about it. You won’t see our movies get higher ratings just because of cursing, and the dialogue in our reality shows isn’t just a series of beeps).

So a lot of the following words and phrases might not be as commonly used as their English counterparts, especially by the younger generation.

It also means that if you go to Denmark as a British or American person, you’re going to be horrified at how casually we use your dreaded F-word. No matter when I finish and publish this post, I can promise you that my mother will have told me to fuck off within the last month.

(Last time it was because I caught a shiny Pokemon that she didn’t have in Pokemon GO.)

Danish swear words

The Basics

For fanden

Literally: For the Devil

This is a nice versatile one. It’s used in the same way as ‘for fuck’s sake’, but isn’t considered as crass. The milder version is ‘For Søren’, which, considering my uncle’s name is Søren, you would think would be used like ‘For Pete’s sake’, but mostly it’s used in place of ‘Oops’…

‘For fanden’ can be freely substituted with ‘For satan’, but it needs to be said with Danish inflection. Otherwise, it sounds like you’re actually worshipping Satan.

(You can also use ‘For helvede’, meaning ‘For hell’. We’re not picky with the term, as long as it’s clear that your allegiance lies with the guy down-under.)

Fandens også

Literally: The Devil’s also

Variation of ‘For fanden’. Used in the same way as ‘Shit’ or ‘Fuck’.

Fanden tage dig

Literally: The Devil take you

This one is not as commonly used as the two variations above these days, but I just wanted to show how much shit we give the Devil, considering nearly none of us are religious.
It’s probably obvious, but this is used like ‘To hell with you’.

Lort

Literally: Crap

Used like ‘Crap’.

Can be substituted for ‘Pis’ (I’ll let you guys figure that one out).

For Stressing Things

These can not be used on their own, but are often used in front of all kinds of unrelated words to exaggerate them (and add a touch of vulgarity to otherwise innocent statements).

Pisse-

Literally: Pissing

This is another versatile one. It’s used like Brits use ‘bloody’ and Americans use ‘fucking’ when put in front of an adjective. If someone is ‘bloody annoying’, a Dane would call them ‘pisseirriterende’.

Can be substituted for ‘skide-‘.

Sgu

Literally: ? (I have absolutely no idea)

I’m not even sure there’s an English equivalent for this, but I use this word at least 30 times a day. You add it to a sentence after the verb a bit like you would inject ‘actually’; only it’s considered a little bit crude and it’s not a warning that mansplaining is about to happen.

You’d lightly scold a child for using ‘sgu’, but it’s not really considered inappropiate. I use it both at work and when talking to elderly relatives.

Example: ‘Det ser sgu godt ud!’ (‘That actually looks great!)

Insults

Some of these aren’t even considered vulgar, but they’re satisfying nonetheless.

Klaphat

Literally: Clapping hat

This is my favorite. Not because it’s one I use all that often, but because it confuses foreigners who google the term.
Used in place of ‘Idiot’.

(Please go google it.)

Fjols

Literally: Fool

Mild way of calling someone an idiot.

Kraftidiot

Literally: Power idiot

This one is considered more crass, but sometimes you just gotta let a power idiot know they’re acting like a power idiot.

Used like ‘Moron’ or ‘Retard’, but without being an offensive term for people with learning disabilities.

(We got those, too, but I won’t include them. I’m only teaching you terms you can use without being a giant Kraftidiot.)

Røvhul

Literally: Asshole

Used like ‘Asshole’.

Cruder words

Danish also uses words for ‘bitch’, ‘whore’, ‘pig’ and a variety of sexual slurs for swearing, but they’re mostly used by teenagers and people who got dropped on their head as children, so I’m not going to teach them to you. I prefer my cursing to have a certain amount of dignity.

So see you later, klaphatte!

 

 

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Madness and Newspapers

Lokalavisen Favrskov

I found a newspaper in my freezer yesterday.

I have been thinking about that a lot.

Just an entire newspaper, not wrapped around something or anything. There was literally no reason for this newspaper to be there.

Also, I don’t remember putting it there.

So why the hell was there a newspaper in my freezer?

Obviously it has to be me who put it there. I live alone, and while my mom did drop by during the weekend to feed the owl while I was at a convention, I doubt she made a detour to drop the local paper on top of my microwave pizzas. Don’t get me wrong, I do things and forget all about them, just like everyone else. I can’t even count how many times I have frantically searched for my glasses while they were sitting on my nose, or thought I had lost my keys just because I put them in the left pocket on my bag instead of the right. But usually I can understand the instinct that caused me to do those things.

I can’t explain the newspaper.

Did it offend me somehow? Did I think it deserved a worse fate than simply ending its life in the recycling container out by the parking lot? And even so, what exactly did I hope to achieve by exposing it to Arctic conditions?

Maybe I was trying to educate the chickens I keep down there. I’m not going to pretend I never reach a state of insomnia where informed owl food might seem like a good idea.

I have no explanation for the newspaper, but it seems to me that no matter whether you do so consciously or on instinct, putting newspapers in the freezer isn’t a sign of your mind working quite as intended.

Danish newspaper

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The Bookish Owl – Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett

Unseen Academicals Terry Pratchett

It’s time for reading Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett!

It’s been a long time since we got a book about the wizards of Unseen University, so let’s see how much mayhem they’ve been holding back on. Seeing as this book seemingly introduces football to the city of Ankh-Morpork, I can only assume that we’ll have at least one explosion, three murders, and one or two angry and/or confused mobs by page 20.

I haven’t been that fond of the books that tried to introduce overly modern concepts (like movies and rock music) to the Discworld, but I have noticed Pratchett’s style maturing a lot over the last 10 books or so, so I’m willing to believe he’ll manage to make football seem less out of place. Hopefully it will also contain fewer pop references, because I know nothing about football.

I’m aware it’s about a lot of men with weird hairstyles chasing a ball around, but I never really bothered to figure out why…

Unseen Academicals
by Terry Pratchett

Football has come to the ancient city of Ankh-Morpork. And now, the wizards of Unseen University must win a football match, without using magic, so they’re in the mood for trying everything else. This is not going to be a gentleman’s game.

The prospect of the Big Match draws in a street urchin with a wonderful talent for kicking a tin can, a maker of jolly good pies, a dim but beautiful young woman, who might just turn out to be the greatest fashion model there has ever been, and the mysterious Mr Nutt (and no one knows anything much about Mr Nutt, not even Mr Nutt). As the match approaches, four lives are entangled and changed for ever. 

Because the thing about football – the important thing about football – is that it is not just about football.

Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!

Unseen Academicals Terry Pratchett

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The Bookish Owl – Making Money by Terry Pratchett

Making Money Terry Pratchett Collector's Edition

Next on the reading list is Making Money by Terry Pratchett.

I’m rapidly nearing the end of Discworld, but at least I know I’ll have to slow down soon, as the last couple of books won’t be released in the Collector’s Edition until November. Guess that’ll give me an excuse to reread some of my favorites!

‘Making Money’ is the 36th (did Pratchett ever stop writing…?) Discworld book overall and the second with Moist von Lipwig as the protagonist. I really enjoyed ‘Going Postal‘ and, after reading the first 50 pages, this one seems to follow the same scenario: Vetinari making not-so-subtle threats, Moist getting a new job, and then everything going haywire.

Making Money
by Terry Pratchett

Amazingly, former arch-swindler-turned-Postmaster General Moist von Lipwig has somehow managed to get the woefully inefficient Ankh-Morpork Post Office running like . . . well, not like a government office at all. Now the supreme despot Lord Vetinari is asking Moist if he’d like to make some real money. Vetinari wants Moist to resuscitate the venerable Royal Mint—so that perhaps it will no longer cost considerably more than a penny to make a penny.

Moist doesn’t want the job. However, a request from Ankh-Morpork’s current ruling tyrant isn’t a “request” per se, more like a “once-in-a-lifetime-offer-you-can-certainly-refuse-if-you-feel-you’ve-lived-quite-long-enough.” So Moist will just have to learn to deal with elderly Royal Bank chairman Topsy (née Turvy) Lavish and her two loaded crossbows, a face-lapping Mint manager, and a chief clerk who’s probably a vampire. But he’ll soon be making lethal enemies as well as money, especially if he can’t figure out where all the gold has gone.

Making Money Terry Pratchett Collector's Edition